


1000 Deans

by literaryoblivion



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Character Death, Clones, Death, Episode: s08e17 Goodbye Stranger, M/M, Mind Control, Season/Series 08
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-03-22
Updated: 2013-03-22
Packaged: 2017-12-06 01:50:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,713
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/730249
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/literaryoblivion/pseuds/literaryoblivion
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The first 200 times had taken what probably equated to weeks.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1000 Deans

**Author's Note:**

> I know it says "Major Character Death" but that's mainly because I wanted to be upfront in the warning. If you've seen episode 17, you'll know why I listed "major character death". Also, I don't think my depictions of violence are that graphic, but I just wanted to be safe. I'm more specific in the notes at the bottom.

The first 200 times had taken what probably equated to weeks.

He hadn’t even been successful in his command on the first hundred. The Dean clone had pleaded with him and begged, and Castiel hadn’t even gotten his hands on him yet. After every failed attempt, Naomi had come from behind and stabbed Dean herself while Cas looked on, tears in his eyes. Naomi would look at him in anger and force him back into the chair after each one to make sure he understood what he was supposed to do, literally drilling home the point. Castiel tried to resist, tried to remember how many times he chose Dean over his own life, the trust and hope Dean had put in him, his voice as he prayed to him and called his name asking for help for Sam, for him, and just because he was worried about where the angel was. He tried to keep the image of Dean’s face, his smile, his laugh, the sparkle in his eyes whenever he looked at Cas, in his mind to block out whatever Naomi was doing to him to force him to do the one thing he didn’t want to do.

But that’s the problem with mind control; sometimes even your own thoughts betray you.

With each session, the look of Dean happy and pleased with Cas turned into Dean looking at him in disappointment and betrayal. It became the memory of all the times Dean couldn’t even bare to look at Cas because of what he had done, how he had ruined Sam by destroying the wall, how he had gotten in over his head with all the souls, how he had been working with Crowley, how he had purposefully ignored Dean to do what he wanted and was left in a ring of holy fire with Dean turning his back on him. Instead of the look on Dean’s face when Cas had returned from Purgatory and was cleaned up, it was the look on Dean’s face of utter sadness and torture when he dropped Dean’s hand and pushed him through the portal out of Purgatory. In other circumstances when he had thought of these times, Cas had gotten upset and angry with himself for being the one to put that look on Dean, but with the twist of Naomi’s control, the anger was turned towards Dean, that it was Dean’s fault Cas had done those things, that Dean was in the way and needed to be eliminated.

Cas would come out of every session with tears in his eyes unsure why they were there, but nodding to Naomi that he understood. But when Naomi would throw him back into a similar scenario with another Dean, it would all come rushing back to him, why he couldn’t kill Dean, why he had tears in his eyes. It would cripple him, his angel blade in one hand, the other gripping the Dean in front of him, until Naomi would come back, kill the Dean, and repeat the process over again.

It was on the 386th time that he had actually managed to kill Dean.

It had taken a lot of time, and so many sessions in the chair that sometimes Castiel would have moments when he wasn’t even sure he knew who he was or who the man in front of him was. Dean #386 and Castiel had struggled for a while, the Dean clone even fighting back and landing a few blows. But once Cas had gotten the upper hand, sitting on Dean’s stomach, pinning him to the ground, he had raised the angel blade above his head and stopped. The Dean below him was begging and looking up at him, repeating the phrase “Please, Cas, no, don’t please.” And something didn’t seem quite right with this Dean, a tiny synapse in Cas’s mind was trying to tell him that Dean wouldn’t act like this, _his_ Dean wouldn’t say that over and over again.

But before he could acknowledge that thought, before Naomi could storm in and strap him in the chair again, he brought the angel blade down, replacing the sounds of pleading with gurgling sounds of blood.

This time when Naomi came in, she looked pleased, and she didn’t force him in the chair right away. Oh, he still went there eventually because of his hesitation, but she did take a moment to tell him she was glad he was finally getting it, that he had done a good job. And despite the small amount of praise, Cas didn’t feel proud.

By the time he had reached Dean #694, he was no longer hesitating. With every Dean, every session in the chair that followed, it had gotten easier. Each time Castiel’s hesitation time had shortened, and each time Naomi had seemed more and more pleased with herself. Castiel had given up trying to hold an image of _his_ Dean in his mind before every session and before he had to go into the room with a copy of the man he had given up everything for that he would then have to kill. It would only become twisted in his mind while he was in the chair or make the pain he felt after stabbing the copy worse. So instead, he let his mind go blank, letting the programming he’d been given take over. But up until #694, something would trigger a memory, the Dean clone would say something right before Cas plunged the blade in his heart that would make Cas hover a moment. Dean #694, though? He didn’t have time to say anything.

It was somewhere around the 898th and 923rd Dean that Castiel stopped going to the chair afterwards. According to Naomi, he was getting better with his skill and surety. She told him she believed he was ready, but she wanted to do a few more runs just to be sure. But because he was doing so well, she would let him rest in his quarters instead of in the chair until she had prepared another scenario for him with yet another Dean. At that point, Castiel couldn’t even recognize himself anymore. He was grateful he didn’t have to go back into the chair, but once he was alone in his room, once he had had enough time to recover after killing another Dean copy and try to recollect his thoughts, distinguishing between what were assuredly his and what were ones that had been inserted, he would silently weep.

He would weep because he was scared of himself, of how easy it had gotten to kill the Dean clones, how simple it was now to ignore the quivering and moaning and stammered pleases. He was scared about what would happen when he actually came face to face with the real Dean. Would _his_ Dean act the same as the clones? Beg for his life? Ask Cas not to do it? Would Cas be strong enough to resist all of the programming and mind control when the time came? Cas hoped that he could. He had to believe that his Dean would be different, that no matter how many times Naomi tried to recreate him, she would never get him right because how could she know what the real Dean would say and do? He _had_ to believe in _his_ Dean. He had to believe that _his_ Dean would know that _his_ Castiel wouldn’t do this, that something was wrong with _his_ Cas and that he could figure out what it was before it was too late.

And while Cas was alone in his room, tears streaming down his face while he hoped and prayed to an absent Father, the sounds of Dean’s voice would filter into his head. Dean was still praying to him every night, and before Cas would cherish the prayers, they would be his armor against Naomi. But, when the programming became harder and harder to resist, the prayers he heard from Dean became more and more painful to hear. He could hear the pain and loss and desperation in Dean’s voice, and every prayer was like a stab to Cas’s heart because he couldn’t go to Dean to answer him or reassure him or comfort him or tell him why he was gone. All he could do was listen, and all that did was bring more tears.

After Dean #968, Cas turned off his “angel ears” so he wouldn’t have to hear Dean’s prayers anymore.

With Dean #991, Naomi had started to fill Castiel in on more of the plan and what she had discovered about the angel tablet and what his assignment would be once she was satisfied with his previous one. She assured him that it wouldn’t be long now because she had every faith in him, that he was ready, and now they had to have other things fall into place before he could go back down to Earth. Castiel hadn’t seen the chair in a long while, and when he was resting between simulations, he no longer cried.

Cas killed Dean #992 through Dean #998 within the span of an hour, one right after the other. Naomi had asked him to practice because it was almost time, and she had to be sure he hadn’t forgotten his “training” as she liked to call it.

On the day Naomi decided that it was time, that Castiel had to return to Earth because they had found out about Lucifer’s crypts and how Crowley’s demons were close to finding them and the angel tablet, she sent Castiel to the simulation room one last time.

Dean #999 had been a warmup. Castiel hadn’t run through a scenario in several days, too busy making plans with Naomi and helping to find the angel tablet, and so Castiel had struggled for almost 15 minutes with Dean #999 before killing him. Naomi seemed a tinge disappointed with that and told Castiel to do it one more time, for luck.

On Dean #1000, Castiel took hardly any time at all to knock over that Dean, grab a hold of him, and plunge his angel sword in his chest. No hesitation. No emotion. Nothing. Nothing but what he was supposed to do because he was ready. 

**Author's Note:**

> So, major character death and violence because essentially Cas has to kill Dean over and over again. But it's not the REAL one!!! :)
> 
> Ugh, guys, I don't even know ok. I am kind of hating myself right now for even writing this and having this idea in my head after the episode. I AM SO SORRY. I am in pain too guys, and I just made it worse for myself. I think I'm going to go write some fluffy happy Cas on a bus to counteract this one.
> 
> If you are upset with me, please come tell me on [my tumblr](http://literaryoblivion.tumblr.com/) and we'll cry together, okay???


End file.
